Why Won’t He Talk to Me?
Men are complicated creatures, yet very basic males. They feel deep, sometimes passionately, but they hold those feelings in like precious pieces of gold, only spending a few at a time, measuring their weight, seeing what their current value is. Waiting to spend them at the appropriate time, when to make the best investment with them. Risking the investment and pouring more into the ‘stock’ of relationship comes when it looks like there would be a greater loss without it and it keeps the value ‘high’ in the emotional/relationship market.
Men have been trained not to talk about feelings because it protects them from being ‘attacked’ – it’s like showing an Achilles Heel without any armor. They hold their feelings in, keeping them from being revealed, not to be exposed for fear of being found out. It comes from ‘the law of the jungle’.
Vulnerability creates fear for most of us, because we are sensitive and gentle creatures underneath all that bravado, all that loud talking, or peacocking -it’s all a call for LOVE. But to reveal ourselves to another scares us, because there is always the possibility of being misunderstand or not well received, or maybe hurt. So we hold it in, hoping that we won’t be discovered, waiting for those feeling to go unnoticed, resolved and dissipated. For men AND women to open that ‘door’ is like opening a Pandora’s box, and in our fear we thing it might start a flood gate of feelings that have no retaining wall, and this scares men – within themselves and also in handling yours. The fact is is that men want to show them, actually willing, when they feel safe, secure, clear of criticism or fault finding.
So create that space. Know that if you allow and not force the issue, but gently approach them with what is bothering you; you will have him opening up. Think about it – how would you like your man to address you with an issue that is difficult, complex or painful? In this way, men and women are similar.