Seeking Balance and Harmony in All Relationships

Tao engenders One;
One engenders Two;
Two engenders Three;
Three engenders all things.
All things carry the yin (femininity)
while embrace the yang (masculinity).
Neutralizing energy brings them into harmony.”
~ Tao Te Ching Quotes (42)

We all are looking for balance in our lives. We all have masculine and feminine within us. Tai Chi is a beautiful example of the balance of Yin and Yang. Watch the fluid movement of the masculine and feminine. We can find that balance in understanding what these two energies represent so that we can dance with them, allow them to flow within us and externally in our primary relationships.

Yin is the feminine yielding principle of the Universe and in nature that in Chinese cosmology is exhibited in darkness, night cold, or wetness, quiet, intuitive, contractive and represented by the moon. Yang is the masculine, light, active, day, warm, protective, creative, expansive and assertive which is represented by the sun. Each are rooted in the other and continual in movement and interplay with the whole of life. One cannot exist without the other. Their interaction is to maintain harmony within the Universe.

When we are out of balance we are stuck in one or the other. It is only temporary, as the Universe is never still; there is always movement – no matter how subtle. The unseen forces of the Universe are always influx.

When a challenging situation presents itself, take a moment to be still, breath and become relaxed and become silent. In taking this opportunity to be essentially non-doing, you can better see the answer by looking at the situation without reacting. You have become the Yin from an outwardly Yang situation. This is especially helpful when you find yourself in an argument or aggressive situation. By allowing the energy to be there without pushing back, it is as though you have neutralized the situation and now can redirect the energy toward a positive direction.

“Countless words
count less
than the silent balance
between yin and yang
~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

If you practice this in your daily interactions with your partner and your social relationships, you will assist in the flow and will be practicing the balance of the energy of the Universe – Yin & Yang.

Nancy writes for bellesprit.com and this was published in June http://www.bellesprit.com/index.php/our-team/columnists-contributors/170-nancy-jean-walton-it-s-all-about-the-yin-yang/1114-seeking-balance-and-harmony-in-all-relationships.
Her private practice is at All That Jazz in Richlandtown, PA and at Feng Shui Studios in Jenkintown, PA. You can read more about her and her healing practice at http://www.heartmindspiritconnection.com or contact her at 267-221-7160.

Heartbeat Connection

What is it? There are many levels of attraction. Sometimes it is the differences that attract us in the early stages of dating. We begin to expand our own Universe to encompass many different people and their Universe. We become like travelers and grow as individuals beyond our own corner of the world and in our journey, we learn that love isn’t about the differences, it is in the similarities and the meeting of the heart that bonds us together.

Our explorations may lead us down very unexpected roads where we meet strangers who become friends in our roving for love. We find love is in everyone and in everything. And in all of this, there comes a time for wise, thoughtful discernment. We begin to, from each experience, learn what worked and what didn’t. There comes a time when we start to assimilate what we have learned to make wiser choices if we are to become more than what we were and are yet to be.

Love

is a travel.

All travelers

whether they want or not are changed.

No one can travel into love

and remain the same.

~ Shams Tabrizi

At every stage we hope to find an emotionally intelligent, spiritually conscious person, so that we don’t have to struggle through the muck and the mire of the trenches from past partnerships to get to the truth of our togetherness. However, most are still working on those issues that have us stuck or have us regress. The love that is sought is not of necessity, nor is it for convenience. It is not about filling the needs left over from our parents since childhood. If we can resolved those and meet our basic needs ourselves, we have evolved into seasoned adults, flavored with the many spices of life, and that is what we can bring to a nourishing partnership.

From this stage, we can begin to utilize the Law of Attraction. Think about what you want in your partner and write those thoughts down. Everyone wants love, so be specific about what you seek in a partner, all the inner qualities we have cultivated and the ones you wish in a partner. Look for it – be ready and open to the infinite ways it will show up.

Sought is the best of love; when your thoughts are on the intention and is in vibration that attracts the kindness, happiness, and the best of what a loving relationship can be with another, along with the same or similar interests, alongside the differences which can enrich you both in the relationship and creates that heartbeat connection.

Nancy’s private practice is at All That Jazz in Richlandtown, PA and at Feng Shui Studios in Jenkintown, PA. You can read more about her and her healing practice at http://www.heartmindspiritconnection.com or contact her at 267-221-7160.

SURRENDER

While we all have a mixture of both the Masculine and Feminine (after all we were created by both our father and mother – egg & sperm) some of us exhibit more of one than the other yet we contain both.

If we meet that one special person where we feel that this is a loving relationship than both can interact while those energies emerge toward balance with your partner.

In many of my dating experiences, I mostly exhibited the more masculine, all the while knowing that I was searching for something. I was looking for an equal partner, but this was just one part of a relationship. While I wanted respect and dignity there was another level, a more deeper and profound one that I had yet truly experienced. There was only one man whom I met and went out with that I experienced for the first time a surrendering to his masculine energy, which allowed my feminine to really be out in the open.

While with him I never felt alone even while he was in the next room. I was happy and content just to BE with him. I realized I didn’t have to be next to him all the time, because I felt him close in my heart. While I felt passion I also felt I didn’t have to always act on it. It was like a low humming that was always present yet never overpowering.

This man was a balance of both the Yin and the Yang and I felt it. His energy was sweet, unburdening and I felt completely safe in his arms while he was driving back to his house. I had never completely surrendered myself to this energy and I wanted to with him. Sitting next to him, I yielded as I let go of any fears that I must have been holding onto and allowed him and his energy to ‘protect’ me in that moment, as I nestled into him as we drove through a grove. It was very liberating.

Even though I ‘got him’ and we resonated together – I was ready for the next level, however, his ego was bigger than both of us, and so it had to end, for I was in love and ready for us to be a couple, and he wasn’t ready; we were at two different levels – it scared him and he knew it.

He still remains in my heart today. Even though we are miles apart; I still feel him. We are each on our own personal journey.

Nancy Jean Walton is a Reiki Master Teacher & holistic practitioner. She is a Relationship|Life|Holistic Health Coach and Energy Therapist at Feng Shui Studios in Jenkingtown, PA
Nancy’s been a staff member for Alan Cohen (with Charley Thweatt) @ Pathworks, NY for the ‘Weekend of Pure Love’ as a Yoga Instructor under the retreat name of BHAKTI. She has worked with Aishwarya Dg: Intuitive Reader, Angel Practitioner and Life Passion Coach: of India facilitating the ‘Abundance and Reiki World Wide Healing Event’. Nancy’s been a Guest Speaker for WDVRFM on ‘Holistic Health.’ And a Guest Speaker on Live with Belle Salisbury, at HeyZ Radio Network podcast – here’s the archive http://www.kimberleysimon.com/audio/nancyjeanwalton.2012-08-31.200138.mp3
Her relationship advice is on Blog Talk Radio – Earth Angels Radio with Carol Guy & Diane Buchberger ‘Something for Men,’ survival kit for understanding the male brain’ and ‘Tasteful Beauties women over 40.
Nancy also has a private practice in New Hope, PA. You can read more about her and her healing practice at http://www.heartmindspiritconnection.com or contact her at 267-221-7160.

Transparency & Emotionally Naked Relationships

We have all played the game of hide and seek in our relationships. Holding back and protecting our hearts from the fear of getting hurt. At a certain point we must risk being genuine and open and real; allow the other person into our life to jump in and risk being who you are with another to really experience what intimacy is with another.

It all takes time and trust. With each passing moment, day that lead into weeks and months, you start to reveal those things about you that you don’t let the outside world see – the imperfections that we all have, yet they are your own.

Maybe you snort when you laugh, or wake up with bed head, or snore in the middle of the night. Perhaps you like to go barefoot around the house or drink out of the bottle instead of a glass. You like to sleep late on Sundays and eat in bed. Maybe you save all your tissues and line them up along the couch when you’re sick…..and then throw them out when you get up. Or you clip your toenails in the livingroom instead of the bathroom.

There comes a point in the relationship where you have to out your secret behaviors and become transparent for anything to develop that can withstand the small things so that when the time comes you can deal with the larger issues. You have to be willing to say what is really bothering you, or speak up about what you want and be willing to risk the status quo in order for your partner to really KNOW you. It’s more than just communication, however, if you don’t show up in the relationship how do you ever expect to be fully present in the relationship? And don’t you want to be loved for all of you?

So start today being real in the world with yourself and others. You’ll have more depth and more heart to share and a deeper & satisfying emotional life when you are willing to have a naked relationship with that special someone.

Uncovering the Layers of Love

Previously released as Peeling away the Layers to Love – There are many different kinds of love – our first love (puppy love) then love of a rock star/band/group graduating to more meaningful relationship love, moving towards a grown-up love. Then begins peeling away the layers to love.

We all vacillate between being single and wanting a relationship, wanting freedom yet craving closeness & intimacy. Understanding that we want consistency yet liking spontaneous moments help with our complex and seemingly wavering minds between these two ‘opposite’ desires. Time together yet needing time to be with yourself and your thoughts also seems contradictory, but an essential part of being human. Independence must give way to a shared collaboration of each other’s heart and mind. Passion must engage BOTH people. We all want a roadmap to a successful encounter that will lead us towards more rewarding relationships.

Sometimes we find that we are attracted to a partner from our subconscious – the qualities of our father/mother as part of our growth process. Hopefully we work on that to move to the next level where we find an equal partnership for the journey of love

Sometimes we find that we are attracted to a partner from our subconscious – the qualities of our father/mother as part of our growth process. Hopefully we work on that to move to the next level where we find an equal partnership for the journey of love

The first stage is the ‘in love’ process where we are immersed in the wonderful release of a natural chemical reaction to being with someone – being part of a couple is how we are hardwired; both men and women want to nest and create a home with that ‘special’ someone.

This phase is a wonderful ‘honeymoon’ period to a relationship. Senses are heightened and we feel alive. Watch “The Mirror Has Two Faces” for a eye opening insight to the facets of loving. It is a necessary part of the relationship dance if we are to evolve, uncovering the depth at the gift of what love can bring us – which is very rewarding.

The next phase begins the acceptance of the other’s strengths and weaknesses (as well as our own) as the individual we fell in love with starts coming down from the pedestal we have placed them on. Reality sets in and we see the full encompassing truth of our partner. The lasting phase is beyond compassionate acceptance where your heart is full beyond measure at the wonderful fluidic movement that comes when the dance starts a rhythmic intuitive connectedness that happens when you are in harmony with your mate and your souls are united in this love. That is the Gold at the End of the Rainbow!

Know that we all want to be loved accepted for who we are. Sometimes it isn’t easy doing that very thing for ourselves. Giving our self-love requires patience, compassion and an ability to forgive ~ how do you give it to your best friend? Well guess what, your best friend is also you!

Love of self emerges from within and acceptance of others comes from an emotional level. Whether briefly or keeping & sustaining relationships, LOVE is at the core of every interaction with everyone you meet.

Giving love may require expanding our awareness to what giving looks like. Knowing when to give space or come close, speak or just listen is a dance, an art form that requires developing a skill; part of which is about paying attention, looking for subtle cues, then checking in with our partner to get confirming feedback.

It is important to realize that we may not be able to accomplish this at ALL times, because we have our own needs that sometimes conflict with our partner. Being sensitive to yours as well as theirs is just as important. Trusting that our needs will be met, sometimes not immediately or in the way we think requires communication and exploration on how to meet those needs and is key to a healthy partnership. Listening is a skill and is the key that opens up the door to the larger part of understanding, which when gently applied and awareness to not force, continues to strengthen the foundation of your home/your heart(s).

The Gift of Giving (and receiving)

Here we are starting our holidays when this most special time where we allow ourselves to purchase gifts and give to the ones we love. Whether single or in a relationship, our hearts are full of this spirit of giving during this time of year. This is when we give ourselves permission to purchase that which we know our friends, family or partner has been needing, wanting or just wishing for.

We’ve been taught that being patient and waiting for what we want is a good thing. But I’m asking you to consider this – What would it look like if you gave as much every month? I’m not saying you are to buy things all the time, I’m asking you to consider showing your love by very simple actions.

Listen – Men and women need and want someone to get them, to give the time to really be present. This does not mean you are to fix the problem, to come in and rescue the situation – BOTH men and women do not want that, they want to be heard. We all have innate intelligence and when there is space allowed between what we communicated and the quiet in between, there is where we access answers. If, however, the person seems stuck, let them ask for help and give them the best present you can give, belief in their ability to find a solution to the problem.
Touch – We are undernourished in this society – and I don’t mean food. We all need to feel as though we exist and we matter. Touching, a simple gesture of a hand on a shoulder, a hand clasp, or a hug communicate so much more than words can. Virginia Satir said it best ““We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” We don’t stop needing touching after we’re adults. I think we need it just as much if not more to continue our psychological health.

Doing  – We’re all observers in our lives and in the lives of significant others. We can see if the trash needs taking out, the dishes needing to be washed, the bathroom cleaned, the floor vacuumed and other daily tasks. Those are just the basics, but how about when groceries have been shopped for & come home or if someone is tired after a long day – if we have it within us to give, then help. I’m not saying jump in at every opportunity that presents itself, just because it needs to be done – to do what another person can do for themselves too much is enabling. We all need to feel our own personal strength and self-sufficiency.

What I am saying is you can make dinner, or after the person is finished snowblowing the sidewalk make a nice hot cup of coffee or chocolate and hand it to them. Draw a bath, arrange to spend some one-on-one together. Give because it feels good, creates harmony and a warm bond between those you care for.

Just show your Love when you see a moment that presents itself. Love is a feeling and an action; see if you can combine the two at least once a day and all year ‘round.

The Kiss of Love

As kids we experiment with kissing.  Girls practice kissing the back of their hands – boys do this too.  Our first kiss when we’re young our lips touching doesn’t amount to much.  As young tweens we becomes more involved with the beginning of budding emotions and it’s fun. As teenagers we want to have kissing be a part of the dance and the exploration of love. As adults we compare and evaluate a person by the way they kiss.
Wet lips leave you wondering where the emotion or passion is. If they kiss with a darting tongue, it’s like their fly fishing, but don’t have the skill of reel fishing (that skill needs to redirected) There is a lack of connection.
If you just want hot and heavy, all elements of kissing are there, but there is no loving intimacy.
The best way to evaluate if this person can care for you is they take time to linger, leisurely French kiss with the tenderness to explore as a way to share in not only in the moment, but also to show sensitivity. Kissing is an art form and most people gauge a potential partnership through kissing.
If you can find a person who takes the time to play, to kiss with feeling and emotion, who is willing to enjoy the moment, there is a real possibility and capacity for love to blossom.

How your past influences your present

Who our parents were when we were young and impressionable while growing up has a great impact upon our psyche. We learn from both our mother and father how to be in a relationship from their modeling behavior. Their communcation – verbal and physical cues are in our subconsious.

Somewhere in adolescence we try to separate our traits and behaviors from the parent we who we don’t want to be most like. But they are still there underneath the surface, and rear their ugly heads when we become adults and interact in the adult world.

They especially come to the surface when we are in a relationship with our significant ‘other’. They, too, are attempting to fight the patterns and behaviors that want to interact with yours. Why? Because it’s all we knew then, it’s all we know right now. Some of those imprints serve us; others are unhealthy, and unproductive.

We want to change our partner because they remind us too much of one or both of our parents and all we want to do when we are finally grown ups is not be married to our mother or father…but sometimes that person’s behavior is so unconsciously familiar it draws us to them, whether it be good traits or destructive. Sometimes it is also from past relationship that we adapt and change to meet the needs of our partner, but is that altogether healthy.

We can manage to grow out of the unhealthy patterns, but only first if we become aware of them. You can’t change what you won’t acknowledge, Dr. Phil says…so true.

So realize you have the power to make better choices in partnering and in your actions once you are with a partner. It is like anything else you want to achieve in this world it takes work and sometimes some play in a relationship to help grow it and feed it so it becomes the gold at the end of the rainbow.

Have We Really Grown Up?

After we leave home, life changes.  We now have a job, our own apartment,  and with that comes the growing up the adult world of relying on ourselves to pay the rent, take out the trash, cook and clean the kitchen, do the laundry and clean the bathroom.  If we’re lucky enough to have own home while single then we also have to mow the lawn and all that comes with owning a home.

So why is it when two people get married, they have to divvy out the chores?  Why when both know when trash day is or when we’re out of clean clothes does anyone needs reminding?  Or if its been weeks since the lawn was mowed, why do we find that someone have to be reminded? Who’s responsible for who’s keys? In your relationship you don’t want to be parental, or authoritative do you really? With the woman that you love? I don’t want to be your mother, I don’t need you to be my father. Tell me is that
love? Why would any of us want THAT?

Perhaps we really haven’t grown up yet or see our partner as an equal.  We target our partner unconsciously to fill that place where we haven’t worked out our issues and have placed our partner in that role.  We don’t realize that’s what we’re doing, yet that is what we’ve done.  It sets an imbalance and creates distance instead of the intimacy we are seeking.

There is power in being an adult, not position of power – a yeilding. Being reliant is an intoxicating aphrodisiac; when we no longer are placed in the position of mommy or daddy in our loving relationship as a couple we can truly become free and intimacy grows as we become closer as couple without the barriers we place between each other that keeps us from being truly vulnerable and real with each other…

Monogamy and Infidelity

Most women want to be in a one to one relationship. We want love and the constancy, stability, security that our vision of monogamy brings. There are men that want that, too.
However, it takes time to develop and know what we want and who we want to spend out lives with. Sometimes it’s just fear that keeps us away from a loving partnership. Our past can get in the way of what we see and not very clearly at times.
That is where infidelity comes into the picture. Women want the man she’s with to keep the spark alive. Men do, too. To prevent a diversion BOTH people have to participate in the relationship and have enough maturity to know to handle the ‘down time’ within any relationship. It’s bound to happen. Even we get bored with just ourselves in our own lives – and sometimes project that onto our partner and make them the ‘fall guy’. We seek adventure and excitement outside of the relationship instead of creating it with the person we have.
Maybe you think it’s too much effort. Perhaps they themselves are in a slump. The question you have to ask then is “What do you think commitment is all about?”
It’s so much easier to not take responsibility for what’s going on in the relationship and blame your partner. But look at it this way – would you want your partner to seek fulfillment with another partner?
Let’s say you know all this yet are attracted to someone who you seem to think has what your partner lacks. And you start an ‘innocent’ flirt. You like the electricity it generates, but come on – it isn’t that innocent! You have just started on a road that can lead to betraying your partners trust and faith in you (would you want him to flirt? Would you want her to flirt?) and the relationship. I’m saying this not to instill any guilt, but more to have you come to terms with your actions to see that the responsibility is yours and stop this before it goes further.
You need to stop and start to reinvent the relationship. Go to your partner with your concerns or wants in changing the relationship to add the spark back into it and start some serious work on your LOVE that brought the two of you together and reignite that attraction!!